Is life full of competition and tensions? (original Essay published@24th, June २००६)

For most of the people, life is meant to be grabing. Like the baby's given borning, the first thing the baby knows what to do after he/she comes to this world, is to hold the fist tight, like holding something precious. When human-being grows up, they learnt more, and know how to grab more. They learnt that many things is valuable, or I prefer to say: Priceable, so that they can measure how much they can grab, and how much more to. What can we grab? $$$, women, men, resources (natural or produced), celebrities and privileges. That is it? Think so. For the above six elements/terms, human-beings have been fighting even before the civilisation is emerged, even since the life form was formed. We know we are tired some time on the way of chasing after things, we know that so-called goals, objectives, targets, mission statements, achivements, scores, grades, or whatever it is, after reaching it, there is numberless more to be waiting on the way to be named in the list of the Hall of Fame of Human. Greedy is best partner of grabing, they always love and care each other. For the least judgement, I got to hear my heart, hear what it says. I found a book in Massey University's new arrival book shelf several years ago, it said "Home is where your heart is" (此心安處是吾鄉). I was immediately shocked there, since it reminds me that I haven't really found one yet, since then I begin to hear my heart's words, but unfutunately, I haven't got the affirmative answer. I am not quite sure if it is the desire that makes the hearts and minds lost, but there are definitely some of us are wiser and know how to make the hearts feel the peace and enjoyness. Problem is that I don't know who they are, but I know for the most of us, they chase and grab even when they realise the occupying of the six elements can't really bring the happiness but conflicts and wars. They are most of us, they are not least wise if they are not fool. And after I read about how mad the Thailand monks are about the World Cup 2006, I doubt if the religion can really calm all of our hearts. I am not a saint, I admit that I am quite ordinary, so ordinary that I can't compete with others to prove any exceedingly predomination, so ordinary that I can't lie or pretend to be someone, so ordinary that I know it is "me" who is feeling the world and trying to make sense of it, that "me" could have a name, which is called by all sorts of intentions. I am so ordinary that I also have desire to love someone, and to be loved back. I am so ordinary that I don't know how to protect my frank heart to show that I love some one, which occurs hurts sometime in return. Sorry I just can't help it. However, I am an ordinary person who is looking for a home for my heart, even though there seems no hopes at all. For most of us, life is meant to be occupying and fighting and competing and struggling or whatever things you have to try the fucking best, before the limited time is running out, even though they know that: The fist will be released at last. Thanks for your reading, and leave comments if you are ordinary.